Create Your Badge
Love Letters from Mama
A new book by Ken Anderberg
Here are some excerpts from the book:
Imagine, if you will, growing up - from six years old to high school graduation - without parental love. Given that unhappy childhood, I have no idea why I waited 28 years to find my biological mother, but on Mother's Day in May 1982, I began the search. This is our story through her letters, and before she died 15 months later.
It took this long, since we talked, for me to come down from the sky. I've been very still and quiet, expecting the happiness bubble to burst. It didn't and here I am writing a letter to one of my beautiful sons. It seems like yesterday and then it seems like a thousand years since I touched you. All of these years, you have been nestled comfortably in my heart. Of course, that little boy was there. Now you're a man and I'm almost afraid to tell you these things. Just this once – just this time – let me say a few of the things I have said to myself over and over again. Then, after that, I promise to practice more control.
Do you realize Kenny that you made all of the pain go away? That you are responsible for the circle of my life finally meeting – becoming complete? My first reaction was to rush to Georgia – wherever that is – steal you and rush back again. However, I know you have more needs than I do at this point and so I will wait until you are ready. I've waited a long time to answer all of your questions and fill in all the empty spaces.
When you were small, you brought a kind of peace to me. Talking to you last week brought it back again. I feel all glowy inside. Not once did I push any memories from my mind. Your three faces were always the last vision I saw each night before going to sleep and all of you were smiling. Do you remember the fire you lit in the backyard? It was the only time you had ever stepped from the role of the perfect child. You condemned yourself so thoroughly, I couldn't find the words to scold you for playing with matches. After the fire trucks left, I spent a half hour trying to convince you that the world wasn't coming to an end. You were so afraid I wouldn't love you any more. In that half hour, I believed I'd have the rest of my life to prove this to you. Never did I believe that you would be snatched away and I'd be left wondering if I had proved it or not. Those are the things that hurt me the most. The things I was unable to prove. Not for my satisfaction, but for yours. I already know how much I love you. What you feel you might have missed can be spanned in a second because you have never left my heart. My darling Duane is still the “cutest kid on the block.” His favorite kissing place was the top of his head and when he felt affectionate (which was 99% of the time), he would ask me to kiss his head. I might have to stand on my toes to do that now. How I wish he would ask me again.
Being a free thinker will always keep you knee-deep in trouble. If you expect the world to congratulate you for refusing to be “programmed” then you're living in the wrong world. Your “manager friends” sound like bores and, as a rule, bores are usually over dramatic about the attention they don't receive. This type of person also spends most of his energy making “friends” (very much like himself), while he is climbing the social ladder, which leaves the independent person standing alone. The human race is made up of 99.5 BORE and .5 intellect, so it's easy for him to make friends.
A non-fiction novel by Ken Anderberg, available now at:
Barnes & Noble